Overwhelmed. . .

​Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
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Do you ever feel overwhelmed?

Even though we trust God; Even though we give Him our problems and ask for His will to be done; Even though we say “Take this Lord and give me peace”; we are often overwhelmed by the obstacles that pass through our lives.

In August I was working full force on my writing and designing journals and planners of all types. I was preparing myself to step out in speaking engagements in answer to God’s call. I had no idea about the obstacles to come my way.

In September I was hospitalized with my first attack of Diverticulitis. In the future, I will certainly be much more sympathetic to people who tell me they suffer from this daily.  A week later, I was scheduled for surgery to have my thyroid removed and testing for Diverticulosis was postponed until after recovery. A couple of weeks after thyroid surgery, the doctor called me at home to give me the good news that biopsy revealed no cancer. “Oh, OK…” It had never occurred to me that I might have cancer. “Praise God!”

When the intestinal testing was finally done in November, a CT scan revealed problems in my lower back (which were certainly nothing new) and possible cancer in my bladder. In December, the bladder cancer was successfully removed. Praise God!

In January, at a scheduled follow-up appointment with my neurological surgeon, we discussed my chronic pain and worsening problems with the nerves in my arms and legs. I gave him a copy of the CT scan and he decided to “take a look” at my entire back.  MRIs. I hate them. It took 2 days to complete the scans. I had mid and lower back one day and the next day my neck and its previous surgeries. Two days after the MRIs I received a call asking me to come to his office the following day.  I was filled with dread. I prayed for healing and courage.
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“You know your entire back is a mess,” the doctor said. “Yes, I know this.” I suffer from a condition called spinal stenosis. I have 4 siblings and three of them also suffer from this.  Once again, the neck was the area that needed immediate attention. “This surgery will require 4 laminectomies, removal and replacement of hardware, 4 days in the hospital and a 9-week recovery period.” He spoke softly, but it was like an explosion in my head. 
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​Overwhelmed. . .

 I stared at him for several long moments and he waited patiently as I blinked back tears. This would be our 4th surgery together. I trust him implicitly. But, another surgery! Increased pain and decreased mobility. Weeks of painful physical therapy. God, give me the courage to make the right decision. Was it worth it? Yes, the word paralyzed is a sinister threat that forever looms in the back of my mind.

I came home and cried for two days. My daughter reminds me that each surgery has made me better, stronger. Thank you, God,  for my daughter. Please help me through this.
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Overwhelmed. . .

Why now? I am ready to step out. To do God’s will. And I know His calling is real. I have no doubts there.  My best friend and mentor reminds me that God’s timing is perfect. Another surgery will take time. However, I will be stronger and better able to step out according to His purpose. Thank you, God, for my friend. Please help me to get through this.

My surgery is scheduled for next week. My pre-op is Thursday. Friday I must have the three-month procedure to make sure the bladder cancer has not returned. As my blood pressure climbs (I wonder why?) my family doctor said: “No surgery until you see the heart doctor.” I just saw him in January. But yes. Better safe than sorry.

Yesterday, the heart doctor agreed to see me if I could be there it 1:00. Unexpected car trouble slowed us down. I prayed all the way down the road. Dear God, please don’t let me be late and miss this opportunity.  If I miss this window, surgery could be put off for two months. I managed to walk into the office at one minute after one. (God’s timing is perfect.) The doctor was happy to have me ready for this week’s pre-op and ordered a nuclear stress test (chemically induced because I could not do the treadmill) early in the morning and hang around for several hours for an echocardiogram in the afternoon. Better safe than sorry.  God, please help me through this.
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Overwhelmed. . .

​I cried all the way home. (Did I mention these doctors are 45 minutes away?) Too much riding for someone in pain. That, along with our burst of wet wintry weather, has been almost too much to bear. (I am sure that there are many of you out there who can relate to this.) Please, God, I don't know how much more I can bear.

By the time, I reached home I was a mess. All I wanted to do was take something for pain, climb under my electric blanket and cover my head. I was scheduled to teach Women’s Bible Study at our church. The sweet women were very understanding when I canceled. Their generosity and offers of prayers made me feel better. Thank you, God, for blessing me with these women.

God, please help me through this.

Did I mention that today is the anniversary of my husband’s death? I don’t sob about it anymore. The years have made it easier to bear. Yet, it is just one more reason I am not at my best. God, help me get through this. Let the car work. Let this go quickly. Please, please let the test go well.
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When we arrived at 7:15 this morning, there was a no show and I had my echocardiogram right away. Praise God. The technician hit a vein first try. Praise God. Other than a lingering headache, the tests went well. Praise God! It is the answer to small prayers that remind us that God is always with us.
Unless I hear otherwise, I assume my upcoming schedule will not change. I am still overwhelmed. My trust is in God. 

 I do not share this lightly. I promise I am not one of those dreaded people who complain about their aches and pains to the extent that you are afraid to ask how they are. I felt led to share because someone out there is overwhelmed.

My favorite Bible verse is 
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

In the very fiber of my being, I believe that God answers prayers. It may not always be in the way you want. He knows what we do not and He sees the final outcome. The trials in our lives can overwhelm us. Thank God, we do not have to depend on our own strength to get us through. God lends us His strength. He also puts people in our lives to love us and support us in times of need.

Isaiah 40:29
He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power.
 
 Are you overwhelmed? Trust God. Trust Him for the small things. Trust Him for the big things. He is always there. Watching you. Loving you. Waiting for you to reach out.

Exodus 15:2
“The Lord is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation; This is my God, and I will praise Him; My father’s God, and I will extol Him.